Updated: Aug 22, 2019
Can you say what you think? Can you say it without fear?
This is about authentic connection on two points.
1. With yourself
2. With other people
Being able to say with you really mean can be risky. First, you may let people in on who you really are. And that may be a shocker. They may not be able to handle it. They may judge you.
But secondly, and more to the point of what this particular article is about, you may rub someone the wrong way by being open about how you feel. They may get offended. They may even get mad.
I don't think anyone really enjoys confrontation, but at the same time, holding how you feel in will make you sick and eventually you will probably explode anyway.
As my dear friend from India would say, "What to do, what to do?"
I am not going to offer you an answer.
Darn! I know, you thought you were going to get some answers here.
What I am going to do is tell you about a different way of living.
What if you had the freedom to say what you really mean AND other people had the freedom to say how that made them feel (including yelling) and when it was all over you were still friends?
BOTH parties get to be authentic and no one has to die in the process.
Latin culture is loud. It is also close. The people who live in the tiny villages in Costa Rica and Panama are not afraid of losing relationship with friends and family. They say what they really feel and they often don't do it with a lot of tact. And others respond with authenticity. No one walks on egg shells. No one has to be politically correct. No one has to go to counseling for months to learn how to express themselves by using "I" instead of "you."
Are you terrified of confrontation?
Ask yourself this very important question. . . WHY?
What are you afraid will happen if you say what you really mean? Will you end up fighting? Will that mean you will lose the one you are fighting with?
This is a sticky issue. No one wants to fight. But if we can't be ourselves, then we die internally. And if we can't let friends and family be themselves, then they die. And we are not going to always agree.
Trust me, I hate fighting. Maybe that is why this had such a huge impact on me. I IS possible to disagree, even very loudly, and have SUCH CONFIDENCE in the strength of your relationship that you KNOW the fighting will not end up in the destruction of anything or anyone.
THIS is powerful connection.
Can we really learn to love?